![]() His sarcasm was more intense around them, especially on this trip he took charge too much and was often really not pleasant. My mom was quite strong-willed and just as smart as he was, so they often butted heads. For some reason, even though my ex generally liked my family, he tended to get even more difficult around them. I thought having a child together would help our marriage, and to some extent, it did. We were on a week-long summer family vacation on Martha’s Vineyard - my mom had borrowed a close friend’s lovely home for this reunion - with my siblings, my nieces, etc. After 12 years of marriage, with all that history, I made the final decision. Also, his financial situation was not great and his work was unsteady I was wearing a ton of hats to pay the bills. He worked in theater and was talented, smart, and quick-witted, but could also be obnoxious and rude. We had many ups and downs from the start. I hadn’t had any other real relationships before. “My ex-husband was 14 years older than me we got together when I was soon out of college. If he couldn’t see that all I wanted, and needed, was to sit down and have a stupid hamburger, if he made even that tiny thing into a moment of hell for me, then I could not stay married to him.” - Scarlett, 40, hairstylist, Manhattan He complained that he was itchy and had hair all over him and … I knew in that moment I didn’t want to spend my life with this person. He said we could order in, but I didn’t want to have a soggy burger at home on our couch. He wasn’t getting it - I was tired, starving, and felt like grabbing a bite to eat together. Anyway, as I was finishing his cut, I said, ‘Let’s go get a burger?’ I wanted a warm meal, and to be served after such a long day. but we were on somewhat of an upswing and I’d really been fighting for our marriage. I was exhausted, it was like 8 p.m., but I said, ‘No problem.’ He had several issues to begin with - mental health, addiction, etc. My husband asked me if I could stay extra long to cut his hair. I’m a hairstylist, and I had worked a superlong day at the salon, at least nine hours on my feet already. I don’t regret it one bit.” - Carole, 36, spa owner, Los Angeles It was then that I knew I had to get divorced. I knew I would not be able to handle a marriage like that, especially with a new baby. I asked the therapist how long it takes for an addict to change their behaviors of lying and secrecy she said the reality of it is that there’s a minimum of five years, and the addiction is just like any other addiction with ups and downs, and it’s something that really never goes away. From there, he went to intensive treatment, and I went to the partners’ program. Then I started to look at his phone and other devices and discovered a whole world of sex that he lied to me about. We went on a trip to Europe when I was three months pregnant, and I asked why he was always checking out other women. I wanted it to work despite the fact that he had a very bad temper and weird sexual habits. We had one month of dating, and three months later, we got married. We’re both Orthodox Jews, and it moved really fast. “After being married only a year, I discovered my ex husband was a sex addict. It was a whole thing.” - Camille, 47, lawyer, Manhattan Oh, he also made up a fake email address from this therapist to prove that he had scheduled appointments - it wasn’t her real email. That was the moment that I realized that I was finally done too - there was nothing I could do to fix this. The marriage counselor then told us that he could not see us anymore - he was unable to be impartial to our situation and unable to trust what my ex was saying. At the next session, our marriage counselor told me that she had spoken to the therapist and, contrary to what my ex had been telling me and our marriage counselor for the last five months, this therapist had never met my ex before. Our marriage counselor asked if he could call my ex’s therapist and my ex said okay. We both said fine, but weeks went by and my ex never provided a form from his therapist. First, he gave us forms to give to those therapists to sign - it’s like standard therapist practice when you’re going to discuss cases with another doctor. Eventually, our marriage counselor asked if he could reach out to our personal therapists. For five months we went to marriage counseling, and I saw my own therapist, and he saw his therapist. I said that I would come back if we went to therapy, as a couple and individually. I was ready to call it quits but he said he’d do anything to fix it. “After three years of marriage, we were fighting all the time, really bad below the belt fights.
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